Fear STands along Side
Carmen Myrtis-Garcia inspires people to embrace their heart's desires and Dream-them-Real. She is a writer, author, editor, certified business ghostwriter, motivational & personal development mentor and retired award-winning professor.
Your DREAM should be big enough to EXCITE you and SCARE you at the same time
Living Life With a Grieving Heart
It is with a heart broken into a million pieces that I report that my husband, the love of my life, passed away from pancreatic cancer in 2015...just 9 days after celebrating our 18th wedding anniversary.
We could never have imagined that our time together on earth would go so quickly or that our Dream would be so short-lived...but at least we lived it.
Michael lived every moment that he could with joy and love. I must somehow find the strength to do the same. To create new dreams, although currently just getting through each day is a major goal. I can keep moving forward because he promised to be my shining star and my guiding light; to love me and cherish me forever.
You may read more here in my new blog Thoughts & Wanderings; My Journey Through the Land of Grief.
When Life Gives You a Fiery Trial ~~Will You Give Up on Your Dream?
When we took the leap of faith on Jan 1, 2012 into our biggest dream of living on the small Caribbean island we'd loved for so long, we never imagined that on Jan 3rd, three years later, we'd be getting Michael on an emergency flight from the island to a hospital and transporting him in an ambulance through the streets of Belize City.
He received good treatment in Belize with 4 specialists and surgical treatments for a kidney cyst, ureter leakage, and severe Crohn's flare-up after 30 years in remission. The medical bills have piled up, however, creating a whole other set of life-changing problems and challenges.
The trial continued over a couple of months as Michael's health deteriorated, pain increased, and his weight continued to drop to a malnourished state. He was no longer able to create art or keep his gallery open. I had to put my writing and online work aside in order to care for him and both of our daily chores~~not exactly easy in a Third World country.
On Feb 5th, after doctors in Belize said they could do no more for him, I brought Michael back to our home state of Colorado for treatment and to be near family and long-time friends. Tears streamed down my face...for the suffering my husband was experiencing, leaving our island dream behind, and
for the unknown future we faced.
This has been the most difficult, scary, and faith-testing time of our lives. It's been over 7 months of pain for my husband, 3 hospital visits in Belize, a 17 day hospital stay in Colorado followed by health care assistance at home. Honestly, he did not receive the quality of care at the Denver area hospital that we, nor other family members and friends, had anticipated. His weight dropped to a dangerously low 91 pounds without cooperation from doctors in giving him the nutrients he needs.
We are staying with friends until we get on our feet and locate affordable housing near new doctors and a new hospital. It appears we finally have some good doctors on board and we hope they will be able to get him into recovery and remission. We're told that the treatment he needs to bring him out of this malnourished state, however, is not covered by our insurance. One of our doctors is working diligently to convince them it is an urgent life-saving necessity. I have been caring for Michael 24 hours per day for many months trying to give him the nutrients he needs in any way possible at home. Still, his weight remains below 100 pounds (at 5'10" tall).
Our faith is tested daily, but we continue to believe that Michael will regain his health. We have many wonderful friends and family and even people we don't know who pray and help us in many ways.
We pray that he will move from his malnourished and pain-filled state, where even drinking broth is an effort, back to enjoying food and the things he loves to do and to his God-given talent and love of creating art. He was so happy to have his dream of an art gallery. His art blessed people who visited his gallery from various places throughout the world, and he also provided a venue for local artists to display and sell their talents. He also volunteered at the local high school on Caye Caulker teaching art to students.
We trust that we will get through this health and financial crisis. It's not always easy to keep thinking positive and holding on to our dreams when our life is in turmoil and our dreams seem to have come crashing down, but we are not giving up. There is a power greater than all of this caring for us and preparing the path ahead.
One day we will emerge from this stronger than ever in mind, body, and spirit. God says that He turns everything for good to those who love Him. And Napoleon Hill stated that "for every adversity there is a seed of greater blessing", if we nurture it daily.
We've tried handling all of this on our own, but it is too overwhelming and we lack the resources to do so. We must humble ourselves and reach out for help. In doing so, we are eternally grateful for all we receive in whatever ways or amount it comes. Prayers and encouragement are appreciated as much as financial or other resources.
We know that there is a purpose to this fiery trial, and we are determined to keep our dreams alive. Someday, when we emerge from these ashes, we will be equipped to help and encourage others who face unexpected mountains on the path of their dreams.
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